What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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