the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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