this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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