belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
