Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
