so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
