Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
