he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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