It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You need a sexual gate keeper
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
