the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
40s are totally the cure
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
