They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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