Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
