so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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