I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
