No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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