I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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