I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
