My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
