I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
