I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
