Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
