he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
