I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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