Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
