i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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