everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
