Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
