he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
