watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
