he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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