I'm gonna have a badass scar
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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