I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize