apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
