no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
