Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
