he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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