My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
