I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
