are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
