At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
