i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
