god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
