He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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