His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
