She is in my trunk
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
