Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
