I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
