I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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