i just sent this text using only my big toe
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
