Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
