its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
