You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
When are your genitals available?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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