Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
