Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
