Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
