i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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