My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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