Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
