Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
i think i just lost a toe
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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