sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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