See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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