I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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