did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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