I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
