I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
