the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
