anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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