He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I will pee on everything he values.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The power of my boobs compel you
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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