Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
