I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
