If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
