At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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