I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
