i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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