Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My dick has a subreddit
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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