Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize