just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
