I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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