My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
