gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
